On our way towards healthy shame we are passing through different phases – like we do in every crisis. Grieving and pain are important milestones on that path.
Healing shame means saying goodbye. It means losing familiar things. Because whatever is familiar is not necessarily good for us.
Whenever we move on, we are also leaving things or people behind. People who mean something to us. Dreams we had. Hopes, unfulfilled longings. In grieving, we acknowledge the loss.
If you find yourself grieving, then this is an indicator that you’ve already taken a couple of steps on your healing journey. It means that you have mostly overcome the shock, fear, denial, anger and withdrawal. (I say “mostly” because we can always fall back into old behaviour, even when we thought we had long overcome it).
Grieving – A Beginning
The process of grieving is the start or rather the preparation for new activities. The tears make sure that long held shock freeze in the body starts to melt away. The poison can go. Finally.
Tears also mean that you are willing to face the truth.
That hurts. Very much.
A Fresh Breeze
But after the paralysing depression and hopelessness, grief can feel like a fresh breeze. It cools our burning facing and provides us with a sigh of relief. It shakes us, brings us into motion again. Finally, we can allow something to be what it is and let it go. What a liberation!
I genuinely believe that once you are grieving, you have passed the lowest point. It is no coincidence that we are speaking of the “vale of tears”. You are moving upwards. And there is hope.
Hope for more nurturing, healthier connections. Hope for protection and safety. Hope for a lighter, more joyful life. Beyond the shame that has kept you hostage for so long.